Why do so many people take risks that could result in losing the good people in their lives?

(Answered by Request)

This is a broad topic. So, we will start by narrowing the discussion. Here, we will consider the "risks" as self-destructive behavior and acts against loved ones that can be perceived as betrayal. We will also consider the "good people" as those who continuously show encouragement and support despite said behavior.

The self-destruct button scenario usually stems from a lack of sense of self-worth. A person cannot value the efforts of another if they cannot even see value in themselves. This is a classic case of 'hurt people, hurt people'; more often than not, it isn't intentional. They can not receive love properly because they have determined they are unworthy. Love to them looks like charity during this phase, and they do not want it.

They sometimes swallow their pride desperately to receive this "charity." They let their guard down just enough to feel something different than self-loathing and put the wall back up before they get comfortable. Sadly, they have now switched to a mode of owing, and the resentment tends to build up.

The supporter often gets frustrated and adds ultimatums to continue being "good" to the risker. Well, now you have just created a "conditional love" situation. Sadly, this adds stress and hurt to both involved. The trust is now wavering, and the merry-go-round of penance gets triggered.

So, the quicker answer is they take risks because they do not feel loved. This love must first be found on the inside to recognize love on the outside. The supporter will be more productive by setting boundaries and keeping them. The inconsistent support is more damaging than helpful. We cannot help the riskers feel worthy if they are unwilling to do the work. Be careful not to let the unappreciation of your efforts bring you to the same mind space as them. Break the cycle. Much love from the dragon.



-The Mistress-